


Wesker and Chris - Trouble in Paradise

by janewaysauce83



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 08:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17639435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janewaysauce83/pseuds/janewaysauce83
Summary: Wesker, Chris, and Jill try to solve a new case about a dangerous rapist.





	Wesker and Chris - Trouble in Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> work in progress

Chapter 1: Somebody Order Rape?

April, 1996

A police car drives through the pouring rain of Raccoon City. It is broad daylight and the sun shines brightly through the clouds. Inside the car is Christopher Redfield, the best sharpshooter STARS has ever seen. He is wearing pink sandals, camouflage pants, no shirt, and a hat with the STARS logo on it. A cigar hangs out of the young man’s mouth as he swears to himself while getting off the freeway. He glances at the clock on his dash. “Shit! I’m gonna be so fucking late! God shitting fuck! Fuck this crap!” Chris swerves full force into an oncoming car, killing the driver and clearing the way for Chris’ car. He arrives at the Raccoon Forest mountain trail where he sees Wesker kneeling over a dead body. He too is shirtless, wearing dark shades, pink domo pajama pants, and yellow military boots with black stripes. He has a tattoo of ET sucking his dick on his right arm. 

Upon hearing his boyfriend’s car roll up, Wesker twists his head around 180 degrees and stares at his lover. Chris gets out of the patrol car, putting on zebra print shades. “‘Sup babe.” Chris called out. He was immediately back handed by Wesker, causing Chris to bleed on the ground and drop to his knees. The glasses fall right off his face and onto the wet ground. His lover’s voice was cold and aggressive. “Christopher. You disappoint me. You’re exactly 81 seconds late. What kind of fucking joke are you playing at Redfield?” Chris hated seeing his bae so upset and tried to calm him down. “Look, Albert, I’m sorry. I just did some pot Jill gave me. I’m still pretty high.” Wesker slapped Chris in the face once more and grabbed his jaw so that he was at eye level with Chris. “I don’t want to hear any more of your excuses Christopher. I’m always on meth but you never see me complaining and showing up late to crime scenes.” He pushes Chris’ face on the ground and steps on his jaw, popping out a tooth. He feels the rain beat on his face and his hands dig into the wet mud on the ground. “You’re pathetic and a slut. I expect to see you in my office tonight at 9:00 wearing nothing but rainbow socks.” He looks at Chris coldly. His shades shine in the sun. “Do you understand me officer?” “Y-yes, sir.” Chris stuttered. Wesker immediately stood up and placed his hands behind his back, walking back to the corpse. “Good, get over here Redfield. I want you to see something.”

Chris picked himself up and wiped away the blood with his arm. He looked at the other officers who didn’t even care about what had happened. Everyone was used to this sort of thing. Chris walked over to Wesker who was crouching over the body. Chris got out a pad of paper and started writing things down about the body. It was a man, around 30-35 years old, tall, with a blond beard, and most noticeably a mutilated face and an asshole filled with feces. He was completely naked. Wesker pointed at the man’s butt. “You see that? The loser shit himself.” Chris scoffed. “How can I not? What do you think happened?” Wesker smirked and stood up. He walked around the victim, making notes in his head. “Well, considering the fact that this man has strangulation marks all around his neck, marks all over his body, and redness all around the anus at feces ejection. I’d say this man was the victim of some form of sexual violence.” Chris raised an eyebrow and bent down. He took some fingerprints off of the man using a forensics kit, and grinned. “Well, catching this man will be easier than killing my grandmother.”

Wesker smirked. “You wanna make out now?” Chris nodded. “You know it babe.” Wesker slapped Chris’ ass as they walked into the woods. He shouted at the other officers. “Hey! You all have exactly two seconds to scram or you’re all gonna be breakfast for my pet Tyrant.” All the officers looked at each other and dashed to their vehicles. But it was already too late. Wesker threw off his shades revealing bright serpentine tangerine eyes and let out an inhuman shriek. Opening his mouth, he revealed a jagged, elongated tongue. Within a few moments, he had killed all the officers by snapping their necks and ripping out their hearts. As Wesker devours an aortic valve, he notices the bulge in Chris’ pants. He ran his hands through his spiked hair. “Wow, that was hot as fuck.”

Wesker smiled. “I know. I’m magnificent.” He licked his lips, and sighed loudly as he tasted the iron in the blood. He hucked the heart 400 feet into the air and heard it decapitate a wolf in the distance. Putting his shades back on, Wesker dashed at Chris and furiously started kissing his lover. The man in shades pinned Chris against a tree and nuzzled into his neck. Chris let out a masculine but submissive moan. Wesker roared back in response and in the blink of an eye pulled off his own pants and Chris’ pants. He continued making out with Chris when he heard the radio beep in his personal patrol car. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore it. But the radio kept beeping. Yelling out in frustration, Wesker kicked Chris in the face and ran over to his car, pulling out the radio faster than a jet plane. “WHAT????!!!!!” The policeman over the line screamed. “Whoa, jesus christ! Uh, sir. We’ve caught officer Valentine in possession of several drugs and she’s been selling them to other officers and the general public.” Wesker’s bright eyes shined as he tried to calm himself. “Jerry, I don’t give a single shit. Release miss Valentine at once.” “Well, sir, you’re gonna have to sign her out down here at the station, otherwise we could all get in serious trouble.”

Wesker let out a loud emo sigh. “Fine!! I’ll be back in an hour!” He threw the radio back into the car and looked back at the woods to see that he had accidentally knocked out Chris. He sighed again. “Make that ten minutes.”

Chapter 2: All the King’s Men couldn’t put the homo together again

Wesker pulls up at the precinct in his red chevy convertible with Chris sucking his dick along the way. Putting the car in park, he pushes Chris off of him. “Get off me, you whore.” He puts on a big black trench coat given to him by Sir Spencer on his eighth birthday. That was the day he had disproved E=mc2 and was given the coat as a present. He grabs a bomber jacket and a Super Mario Bros. hat. He hands them to Chris. “Here, put these on.” Walking into the station, he is greeted by the officer that made the call, Jerry. “Sir, we’ve got her in custody.” Wesker rolls his eyes and shoots him. Chris and Wesker arrive at the jail cells. There are four officers standing guard at Jill’s cell. “Hey, who the hell are you guys?” They shout at Wesker and Chris, who are disguised. Chris pulls out his gun and shoots two of the officers in the head, while Wesker decapitates the other two by crawling on the ceiling. He falls back on the floor, but slips on the blood of the officers. “Ahh!! Fucking shit!” Jill smirks and tries to hold back her laughter. The glasses fall off his face and Wesker stares at his lover with malevolent eyes. “This is all your fault!” He gets back up and cartwheels to Chris’ location, kicking him in the chest. Chris is knocked onto the floor with a loud crack from his ribs. Wesker puts his shades back on and sighs. He notices the bars standing between him and Jill. He stares at them for a while, with a big frown on his face. 

Jill, sitting on a bench, continues smiling, eventually pulling out some keys. She is wearing a tattered STARS uniform, has a tattoo on her thigh, and blood and crack dust on her beret. “Hey, big guy. Need some help?” Wesker looks at her in surprise. “Valentine, how long have you had those keys?” “Since I got in here.” She points to a dead officer covered up by newspapers. “After all, I am the master of unlocking.” A devilish smile streaks across her face. She unlocks the cell and stares at the man in shades towering over her. Suddenly Wesker lifts her up and hugs her tightly, causing Jill to groan slightly. “‘Sup, girl?” He grinned, his teeth shining brightly under the lights. “Ahh, you know, the usual. Just doing lots of drugs and raping people.”  
Wesker smiled. “That’s great. That’s really great. Well, it seems to be going well for you.”  
“I know, I know. Uh. Where did Chris go?”  
Wesker raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean? He’s right over there.” He looks at Chris, who is unconscious and lying on the floor, bleeding immensely from his chest.  
Wesker and Jill look at each other for a few seconds, and then burst into hysterical laughter. After only a few moments of laughing, Wesker abruptly picks up Jill and Chris and dashes back to his chevy, and starts up the car. Jill, taken aback by the sudden change of setting, throws up uncontrollably in the car. Wesker turns his head to face her at lightning speed and growls. His eyes glow behind his shades, and he slaps her violently. He then leans down and sucks up all the vomit like a vacuum. He then smirks as if nothing had happened. “Ah, good as new.” The other officers run out of the police department and attempt to shoot at them. But, Wesker has already taken off, at around 300 miles per hour. The officers look off in disbelief as they see a red trail left behind the car, as the driver flawlessly maneuvers between traffic.

Jill screams loudly in shock and ecstasy as the car barrels through gridlock. To ease her stress, she gets out some rolling paper during the intense speed, and sets it up on the dash, taking out her weed, and smoking it. “Ah, yeah!” She sighs loudly as she kicks her feet up on the window. Finally, they come to a sharp halt right outside of The Raccoon Hospital for Homos. The force propelled Jill’s head to the windshield, cracking it slightly. Jill then sighs in pain and disbelief. “Whoa. What-what was that?!”  
“Huh? What was what? Oh, right. Yeah, I had Barry put some upgrades on my car. You know, before he went up to the mountains to soul bond with sandwiches. Now, come on, we have work to do.” He hops out of the car, and tosses Jill a shotgun. 

Wesker takes Chris out of the trunk and heads into the hospital. Jill runs up to a doctor and holds the shotgun right up to his face as Wesker carries Chris in. “You! We got an injured homo here, we need your help.” The doctor raised his hands, as he spoke. “Yeah, okay, sure. What are his injuries?” Wesker cried continuously and said in a grim tone. “He’s dead.” The doctor looked at him in shock. “What?” Wesker then laughed. “Hah. Just kidding asshole. Now fix my boyf.” He tosses Chris to the doctor, knocking him over as Wesker and Jill leave. “Call me when you’re done. I’ll be at McDonald’s.” 

10 minutes later…

“NO!!!!! I told you, I want a FUCKING happy meal!!!!” Wesker was strangling a McDonald’s employee, who was trying to tell him that they don’t serve happy meals to adults. Wesker had previously tried to pass as a kid by erasing the mustache he had on his driver’s license. As Wesker finished strangling him, Jill got a call on her ginormous 90’s cellular, which she pulls out of her vagina. “Yo, Wesker. They’re done with Chris, let’s go.” Wesker immediately drops the man, picks up JIll, and super-speeds to the hospital. He runs into Chris’ room as Jill throws up violently and the doctor approaches him. “That’ll be 84 dollars.” Wesker swiftly responded by plunging his hand right through the man’s heart, killing him instantly. He then stares at Chris, who had just woken up. Chris then asks, “You wanna do it?” “You know it, babe.” Wesker jumps on Chris as they start making out. A horrified Jill quickly runs out of the room, throwing up again to the super queer display before her. 

Chapter 3

About a month later…

Wesker is briefing Chris and Jill on the situation of more murders. A whiteboard with various pictures of destroyed assholes and mutilated bodies and notes is shown. “The RPD has found more bodies like the one at the beginning of the story.” Jill then asked in surprise. “What?”  
“What? Anyway, we’ve found more bodies. They all appear to have their anuses violated by some awesome guy. I mean, a pervert. My guess is a serial rapist.” Chris was twirling his wig hair, talking in a valley girl accent and chewing on gum. His voice sounds like he had just taken helium. “What should we do to expedite this man, Captain Wesker, tee hee?” 

Wesker’s eyes became flaming orange and his teeth bared, clenched so hard they looked as though they might break. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU WHORE!!!!!”

Chris flashed a cool guy smile, and his voice immediately turned into a bad boy roughness. “You got it, bae.” 

Wesker wiped off some anime sweat beads and returned to the board. “Now, we’ve received some information that the rapist is hiding out at an abandoned strip club. It’s time to go.” They all rush out and drive to the club. 

Jill was clad in elbow and knee pads, equipped with a flamethrower and magnum. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, and she was smoking some crack along the way. Chris had his hair spiked up, smoking a cigar, the whole car becoming engulfed in thick, black smoke. He was wearing suspenders without a shirt. Wesker had a skull tattoo on his bare chest, wearing tiger stripe pants and hot pink cowboy boots. They walked into the club, and started shooting up the place. All the gangsters couldn’t stand a chance against Wesker’s knife hands, Chris’ knife being jammed up their ass, and Jill’s flamethrower lighting up their insides. They were done in about two minutes, and the club was drenched in blood and guts. One guy was kept alive, and Wesker started walking towards him. The guy started shooting aimlessly, the shots tearing through his body, but all Wesker did was grin. “No, no, no, please!” Wesker kicked him in the face, and started suffocating him with his boot. “We know that the Racoon rapist has been hiding out here. We need his name and location.” The guy initially told them to respectfully fuck off, only for Wesker to start crushing his windpipe. “Alright, alright, you fuck. His name’s Wang Puller.


End file.
